Why would you want to work on your emotional intelligence if it just means that you’re going to be walked all over? Or, if you’re responsible for designing development for your people, why would you want to create a company of “nice” people - don’t you want to create a company of people who are “strong”? On the flip side, especially in some competitive business contexts, I also see niceness interpreted as someone who tries to avoid confrontations and is thus easily manipulable. All of these relationships matter when developing your emotional intelligence. She was hyper-critical, aloof, and abrasive. But when I spoke to people who had worked for her, I found that she created a toxic workspace for her direct reports.
I think of a manager I knew who was charming, polite, and very willing to please - to clients and to her boss. Take, for example, the question of who the person is nice to. But this attitude can obscure more subtle challenges.
The first thing that often comes to mind when someone says a colleague is “nice” is that they’re pleasant to work with.
In the 25 years since my book Emotional Intelligence was published, one of the most persistent things I see people get wrong about the concept is that it equates to being “nice.” But it doesn’t, and misunderstanding this can get people into trouble.
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